A Boss, a Word and an A-Frame Hug

"A word aptly spoken is like apples of gold in settings of silver."

Proverbs 25:11

Giving a colleague appropriate praise is an art. And one of my old bosses was a master.

He didn't just reserve it for annual appraisals. After all, appraisals are when a manager is required to say nice (or not so nice) things and if that's the only time you get any positive feedback then it's much less encouraging—like a dinner guest who says nothing about your souffle as it slides down his gullet but commends it a year later. It's nice that he remembered but a word at the time would have been better. And anyway, who remembers the positive things after appraisals? Most of us end up focusing on the failings noted, the weaknesses identified and the heart-sinkingly daunting targets set.

No, with this manager, praise just sort of happened, sometimes in the most exuberant ways. He'd go up to someone, smile, give a pat on the shoulder or an A-frame hug. (This was twelve years ago in a politically incorrect galaxy far, far away when you could actually treat a co-worker like human being without risk of being sued, fired, or sent to a Gulag.) Anyway, as he patted or hugged he’d say, “Has anyone told you recently what a wonderful job you’re doing?” Interestingly, he’d usually do it in front of someone else. And the hugged one would just beam with joy – like a seven-year-old meeting Santa.

Of course, a good manager, colleague, or indeed subordinate, also knows how to rebuke: “Like an ear-ring of gold or an ornament of fine gold is a wise man’s rebuke to a listening ear.” Proverbs 25:12

Ultimately, we don’t just want a wise boss but someone who cares about us. And if that person cares, then a rebuke is much easier to listen to. After all, whether right or wrong, at least we know the boss is on our side.

“Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses.” Proverbs 27:6

As the working world seems to get faster, more intense, and increasingly more dehumanising, it gets tougher to stand back and think of the ‘human resources’ around us as people, and harder to stand back and appreciate a job well done. Still, it only takes a moment to express joy or gratitude and make someone feel like it’s Christmas.

Mark Greene

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